Mr Sparrow I Simply Despise You
by Amber B. Sparrow
Summary: Yer the most feared pirate hunter on the seven seas lass, therefore ye be sentenced after the most feared Pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow. Where will yer adventures lead you?...It's a better story than it sounds, I suck at describing things.
1. Chapter 1

Okay so here's what you need to know 'bout the story. You're Alice. Alice Framer. The most fearsome pirate...hunter, ever to sail the seven seas.

What? Pirate Hunter? This Quiz already sucks. (Fine Ms.(Mr.)Negative, be that way) Okay, I will be. (I apologize these are the imaginary critics that follow me around everywhere, they will pop up randomly in the story...enjoy :))

Pirate Hunter? That sounds interesting. -----(I like this person better :P take that Negative Guy)

okay sooo...here's da story

* * *

"You want me to go after....who?" you, Alice Framer, asked.

"Jack Sparrow," the Commador repeated. (that's the jerk who tells people to do things, right?)

"That's what I thought you said," you said, standing up and walking around the Commador's office. "You want me to go after the most feared pirate ever to sail the seas?" You opened a fancy looking cabinet and took out a bottle of expensive looking wine. You popped the cork off and smelled it.

"That is correct. You are the best pirate hunter out there-"

"True mate, true," you interrupted. You chugged the wine down.

"Therefore," the Commadore continued sounding slightly agitated," I need you to go after the pirate that is causing the most trouble."

You took another bottle of wine,"I see, so how do you want him dead or alive?" you asked, than proceeded to empty that bottle.

"Either will do," he said, watching you in disgust," But I'll pay more if I get to see him suffer on the noose."

"So alive then," you started to leave, but stopped when the commador started running his mouth again.

"Ms. Framer, you sound quite confident, but I must warn you, you're not dealing with your average pirate. Jack Sparrow may seem like a crazy drunk, but he's a _clever_, crazy drunk."

"Don't worry, 'bout me mate, I can handle myself."

"But-"

"Fine if you insist I'll take two more bottles," You walked over to the cabinet and took out the bottles of wine," I see how much you appreciate this, your gratitude is very obivious," you turned to face him, he was glaring. "I'll just leave now," you said, smirking.

"You know, for a pirate hunter, you act a lot like a pirate," the commador said.

"To be a good pirate hunter, you have to get into the mind of a pirate, know their next move."

"Sparrow is very unpredictable."

"I can handle myself," you said through clenched teeth," Oh, and one more thing. You ever call me a pirate again, I'll shoot you dead, understood?"

He squinted his eyes and nodded," I've prepared a crew for-"

"I work alone," you said, and with two bottles of wine, you walked out the door.

* * *

oooooh, me think she don't like being called a piiiirate (Who are you?)

This is dumb (Well no one asked you!)

I like it (Have bottle of wine, luv.) :)

* * *

"She's dressed like a man!" "No! She's dressed like a pirate!" "It's Hideous!!" (sp?) The whispers of the people on the street were very loud, everyone stopped and stared as you strode down the street, wine in your hands, weapons on your hips, and a worn hat on your head. Ladies and Gents gasped at your 'improper' apparel. You just smirked. Finally getting off the streets, you headed towards your small ship, it could be controlled by one person. It has been your home for 2 years now...(let's not get into her tragic past juuuust yet.)

You untied the ropes and hopped on. "Now," you said to yourself," If I were a womanizing, rum loving pirate, where would I go?" You turned the wheel, and smiled as you found the answer," Tortuga."

* * *

What? That's it? DUUUUUMBBBBB!!!! (No it's not it! Just wait til the next chapter!...and you're dumb! :P) Wow, greeeaaat comeback, note the sarcasm.

I like this story so far! you're awesome I'm going to rate and send you a message!!! (Everyone, person is a good role model! You should all copy her!!!)

TorTUUUGA! TorTUUUGA! (dude...what?)

Okay, I shall write the next chapter soon! (Actually i shall write it right now, I'm bored and watching George Lopez puts me in a good mood :)) Pleeease Reveiw and tell me what you think!!!


	2. Chapter 2: Tortuga

Oh, God I have to suffer through another one of these? (If you don't like them you could always leave!...but please don't)

I'm so excited (thank you very much...eh I ran out of wine *hiccup* and rum)

Lights, Rum, Quiz!

* * *

"Now where is that bloody-" you muttered to yourself...,"Ah, there it is." You spotted the ship with the famous black sails, it was tied to the deck and there was no one on it that you could see. Making sure you had all of your weapons, you stepped off your ship, but didn't get very far.

"And where do you think you're going, strumpet?" You tensed and turned your sword in your hand. A drunken man with a disgusting smile on his face was standing there.

"Excuse me?"

"You 'eard me," he glanced at your sword," You wanna play?," He took out his sword," Let's play." Two seconds later there was a dead man at your feet.

"That was fun," you said to the corpse, wiping the bloody blade of your sword off on his shirt," We should do that again sometime," with a smirk you put your sword back in the sheath and walked off, enjoying the shocked stares of the people watching. Tortuga was just as you remembered it, whores, drunks, and...more whores. The air smelt of rum and...nasty (I couldn't think of anything else). The streets were crowded, and you could hear fighting in the pubs.

Good ol Tortuga :)

"You sir!" You said when you found an almost sober looking man outside of a bar.

"Aye, lass?" He said, curiosity in his eyes.

"Do ye know a mister Jack Sparrow?" You asked, already knowing the answer.

"Who doesn't, luv?"

"Do ye know where he is?"

"Aye, I just saw him go in that bar there," he pointed to a building across the street with a sign reading 'Drunk Joe's Bar'.... how fitting.

"Thanks, mate," you said, walking off.

"Wait a minute lass," the man said, grabbing the back of your shirt and whispered in your ear," Just a thank you? I think I deserve more dan dat."

You turned to face him, you gave him a seductive smirk and pressed up against him, you put your face close to his, ignoring his breath.

Woah....kinky o.O

"You're right," you breathed," I think much more is in order," you smiled as his eyes widened at the sound of your pistol cocking beside of his ear. "But I'm afraid we won't have a chance, good-bye luv," and you pulled the trigger.

His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell. You tucked your pistol away and walked in Joe's Drunken Bar'.

Wow, this is so stupid (You- just forget it)

The bar was just like any other full of drunk people and whores. "Now where is he?" you muttered to yourself," (she talks to herself a lot doesn't she?) then you spotted someone that had to be him. He sitting at a table, bottle of rum in his hands, and women surrounding him, batting their eyelashes, and doing everything to get his attention. He layed back in the chair, enjoying the attention. Just to make sure you asked one of the shyer women that was standing against the wall.

"Is that Jack Sparrow?"

"Why o' course!" She swooned,"Mmm, look a' him, I would do anythin' to get a night wit' him"

"I really didn't need to know that," you said, disgusted. 'Now how do I get him alone?' You wondered, then you got an idea, you groaned.

"Wot is it?" The woman asked.

"Nothing," you replied. You took a deep breath, took off your hat, and hooked it on your sword handle. Fluffing your dark brown hair, you looked at your reflection in one of the puddles on the floor. Pursing your lips, you undid the first button on your shirt. "'Ere goes nothing," you sighed, and swaying your hips, you walked over to him.

* * *

Wait, what is she doing?! (Ah I see I finally got your interest) Pssshhh nooo, I uh....look a distraction (WHERE?!)

* * *

You pushed the women aside in disgust, why were they so obsessed with him? You finally got through the crowd and to Jack. He looked up at you in interest, for you did not look like the rest of the strumpets (basically, that means prostitutes) You didn't have a pound of make-up on or a slutty dress.

"Ello, Jack," you said in low seductive voice.

"Ello, luv," he said, his eyes slowing roaming your body, you wanted to punch him so bad.

"How 'bout we go someplace more private...savvy?" you said. You could see your plan was clearly working.

"Aye, luv," he said, abandoning his rum, he stood up and put his arm around his waist. (He abandoned his rum? Your plan must REALLY be working!) The strumpets were glaring at you with pure hate, you smirked.

"What's your name, luv?"

"Uh...Ana," you lied, afraid that he would recognize your name.

"Well Ana, may I ask what the pistol, sword, and dagger are for?"

Oh shit,"It's adds to the fun," you looked up at him and winked. (Does this girl have a problem?)

Jack smirked and his grip on your waist tightened. He was leading you towards his ship. "Ladies first," he said and motioned for you to step onto the ship.

"The Black Pearl," you whispered.

"Aye, luv."

"It's a magnificent ship," you said, the seductive tone still in your voice,"A magnificent ship deserves a magnificent Captain," you purred. (Trust me it's still rated T not M)

"Aye, it is," he said leading you down to the captain's quarters. You reached the door to his room and hesitantly walked in. Jack walked past you and turned to get the bottles of rum sitting on his desk. When he turned to face you there was the tip of your sword pointing at his throat.

"Mr. Sparrow, I have been sent to capture you by order of the Commador of Port Janson," you said. (DUN DUN DUN)

"I suspected that," he said and pointed his pistol at you and cocked it.

* * *

Is he going to kill her?! Is she going to kill him?! What's Going to happen?! (. You'll never find out unless you rate!!!)

POW POW POW!!!! (dude, just go away)

What's going to happen? Will someone end up dead? Or hurt? Or..._____? (I ran out of words, you can fill in the blank) Reviews would be nice...really nice...REALLY NICE....you shall get a virtual wave from jack if you review.


	3. Chapter 3: We're not alike

Recap:  
"Mr. Sparrow, I have been sent to capture you by order of the Commador of Port Janson," you said (DUN DUN DUN)

"I suspected that," he said, pointed his pistol at you and cocked it.

Dramatic Right? I have duct taped my imaginary criticts mouths so they can't interrupt.  
I'M FREEEEEE!!!! (Oh, crap....) Enjoy Chapta three!

You're heart started pounding, but you had been in worse situations. "You wouldn't harm a lady, would you?" you mocked.

"You're right," he said, humor in his voice," but clearly there be no 'lady' in this room, now is there?" he smirked.

You frowned," You and I both know you wouldn't kill me, Sparrow. Despite being the most troublesome pirate in the Caribbean you have a nasty habit of running away," you stepped closer, sword still raised.

"Ah, but do ye know wha' makes me 'the most troublesome' pirate, luv?" he asked, a mischievous look in his eye.

"What are you-" but you were cut off by the sound of a rum bottle breaking, you jumped as the amber (hey that's my name!) liquid splattered against you. There was another crash against the door right next to your head. You let out a small yelp and leaped to the side, dropping your sword, and slipping on the puddles of rum on the floor. Your pistol fell out of the scarf tied around your waist and skidded across the rum soaked floor.

"Bloody hell," you gasped as you looked up and saw him pointing at you with two pistols, smirking. (Wow, imagine Jack like that...wow...3) Not taking your eyes off of him, you slowly stood up, wincing was you picked some of the glass out of your hand.

"Do ye still think ye 'ave a chance against me, luv? Cause if ye do," he threw your pistol to you, which you clumsily caught," I'll give ye another try."

You glanced down at your pistol, suspicious. You looked down at Jack's foot and saw he was stepping on the bullets that were in your pistol.

"You bastard!" you exlaimed.

He laughed (damn he has a beautiful laugh)," Sticks and stones, luv," he took a step closer and you backed up against the wall. You felt something sharp poke into your back: your dagger.

"You're right, Jack," you said," Even I don't have a chance against you," he squinted his eyes, confused. You reached behind your back, grabbing your dagger, and flung it at Jack. It sliced his arm and he looked down, suprised. You dived for the door, but the sound of a gunshot and a horrible pain shooting through your arm and shoulder stopped you.

You fell to your knees and looked at your right shoulder, where blood was staining your baggy white shirt, dripping onto the floor.

"You said you wouldn't shoot me!!!" you shrieked, feeling defenseless not being able to move you're right arm.

"No, luv," Jack said kneeling in front of you," I said I wouldn' kill ye, there's a difference," he tried to look at the wound on your should but you scooted back.

"Get away from me you bloody PIRATE!!!" you yelled.

"Luv, there be no difference between you an' me."

You could hear footsteps above you, the crew was coming back. You stood no chance now, especially not with an injured arm. You slumped against the wall, giving up. You looked at your arm, wondering why it was bleeding from other places other than your shoulder. You touched it with your left hand, you felt pieces glasses embedded in it.

"Le' me look a' it, luv," Jack said coming over to you.

"No, get away from me!," with a little effort you managed to stand up and stumble away from Jack," and stop calling me that! I'm not your,luv!!!" He kept walking towards you. "Stop, get away!"

Pshhh some pirate hunter she is (Oh, be quiet she's injured...she's not used to facing a pirate as awesome as CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow) Suuuure

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"I'm jus' tryin' to 'elp," he said taking a step closer. You swung out your left hand, fingers clawed, and smacked him across the face, leaving bleeding scratches.

He grabbed your left and right wrist in one of his hands," I was hopin' I wouldn' 'ave to do this," he said and everything went black.

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Oooooooh, what's going to happen? Review and you'll find out!!! 


	4. Chapter 4: Shoot Me

I'm sorry for not uploading, or writing....no hard feelings right? (dodges chair thrown at her) I 'm sorry! Schools been busy! I had a science/history project to do!...and I did it on pirates! Woo! I got 1st Woot woot okay on with the story! I shall delay you no longer!

(It might be a bit boring at first, bear with me here, I'll get back to Jack soon)

* * *

"Bloody hell," you groaned, blinking to clear your vision.'Where am I?' you wondered. You were lying on an incredibly hard floor that was covered in straw. With some difficulty you sat up, trying to stretch but gasping in pain as fire burned through your arm. You looked down at it and confusion wondering what had happened to it. The right sleeve of your baggy white shirt was torn completely off, replaced with white bandages which in some place was soaked through with blood, especially around the shoulder.

"How did that happen?" You asked yourself. You looked up," What the..." you murmered, staring at the metal bars a few feet in front of you. You stood up, but swayed slightly, there was a throbbing pain in the back of your head, you shook it off and walked up to them, keeping your right arm still.

"Hello?" you yelled out, "Somebody get the bloody hell down here!," you shouted. Anger replacing your confusion.

You heard footsteps coming down the stairs and you looked around for your effects (weapons...I just felt the need to make sure you knew what it meant...Savvy?) but not seeing them you stepped away from the bars.

A man came stepped in front of your cell, his hair was dredlocked with various trinkets tied into it, his beard was braided, and he wore a tricon hat. He looked so familiar, who was he?

IT'S JACK YOU BLOODY IDIOT IT'S JACK!!!!! (She has a slight case of memory loss! Jack hit her on the head pretty hard!) Excuses, Excuses.....

You tensed up, he was a pirate, but which one?

"'Ello, luv, how does yer head feel?" he asked leaning against the bars and smirking.

It all came back to you: The Commador, Tortuga, him shooting you in the shoulder and then knocking you out.

"Jack Sparrow," you spat.

"Captain, luv, captain."

"I thought I told you not to call me that," you said, getting angry.

"I thought you were supposed to be the best pirate hunter in the Caribbean, Alice Framer," he said, as a comeback.

"I. Am," your short temper was about to explode.

"No yer not, look a' where ye are, Ally, yer captured, wi' an injured arm an' not even a sword wi' ye. Ye may be a good Pirate hunter, luv, but yer no match fer Captain Jack Sparrow," he was smirking the whole time he was talking, flashing you a smile at the end.

"I am the best pirate hunter, you would be on your way to the gallows if you would have fought fair and like a man."

"Might I remind you, luv, that ye didn' fight fair yerself, an' I did fight like a man, a manly pirate in fact. Perhaps you just fought too much like a girl, an tha's how ye ended up here." (Oh no he di'in'!)

Your face grew red, and if there wasn't steam coming out of your ears, you would be suprised. "One day, Sparrow," you said, your voice low and dangerous, "I'm going to make you regret you ever said that."

"Lookin' foward to it, luv," he said, flashing you that cocky (and oh so sexy) smirk.

"If you don't see me as a threat, why are you keeping me behind bars? Afraid Mr. Sparrow?"

"O' course not, luv, jus' don' want ye tryin' t' escape, an' ending up drowning."

"An' why is that?"

"'Cause, if ye escape, tha' arm will prevent ye from swimming or rowing, an' if ye can' do either, ye'll drown. Therefore, it will be my fault for not locking ye up in th' first place, an' I don' wanna 'ave a womans death on me 'ands...Savvy?"

"Just because I am a woman does not mean you have to go easy on me," you said.

"So yer sayin' ye rather be dead?" he asked, eyes widening and a confused look spreading across his face.

"If it means getting out of this bloody cell, off this damned ship, and away from you, then yes, I rather be dead."

"Yer lying."

"I don't lie, Sparrow, I am true to my word."

"Sure ye are, luv, sure ye are," he was just trying to get on your nerves now.

"Shoot me. Now."

"I jus' might."

"I mean it, take out your bloody pistol and shoot me."

"If tha's wha' ye want,luv," (Wait...WHAT?!) he reached in his belt and took out a pistol, "Ah, tha's a shame."

"What?" you asked.

"'Tis isn't me pistol, it's yers," he smirked, leaned down and skidded your pistol across the floor where it stopped at your feet, it was still useless, since he had taken the bullets out of it, "I guess we 'ave t' save killing ye fer later now won't we?"

"You are a coward, Sparrow, you're too afraid to even shoot me. Ha, some pirate you are."

* * *

SHE DID NOT JUST CALL JACK A COWARD *runs forward with knife* (DOWN! BAD IMAGINARY CRITIC BAD! NO!)

Pssshhhh, this story still sucks (You know what? I hate you, yeah I said, I'm baaaad)That's the best you could do? (...Sadly yes....)

* * *

"No, luv, 'm not afraid, I jus' don't see how killing ye would be any benefit fer me."

"And me being stuck on here is?" you asked crossing your arms.

"Oh, there be many benefits of ye staying on here," he leaned on the bars, his eyes roaming over your body, stopping at some key points. (Ah, good ol' perverted Jack ;) )

What he was suggesting finally sunk in, "You look at me like that again, and you won't live to see another day," you snarled.

"Oh, really?" his eyes roamed your body again, "I'm still breathing aren't I, Ally?"

"I-," you were cut off from someone shouting above deck.

"Captain! Ragetti lost 'is eye again!"

"Bloody idiot," Jack muttered, "Sorry to cut this short, Ally, but I have other matters t' tend to," he reached into his coat and pulled out a ring of keys. He unlocked the cell door and with a tip of his hat, he stalked above deck muttering about throwing the damned wooden eye in the stew.

"Don't call me Ally!," was the only thing you could think to say as he disappeared above deck.

* * *

So how did you like it? I know, a bit boring the story still has to pick up, if you actually read these you are awesome, give yourself a cookie :D. Any suggestions, comments, blah blah blah, review, I love reviews, all ya have to do is click on the bloody button at the bottom of the page and type something! Tell me what's wrong or right or awesome about it! Or you could message me :) Thanks Bunches!


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